---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 1999 16:20:21 -0700 (MST)
From: Quantum Porcupine <joshagam@cs.nmsu.edu>
To: edlang@pcug.org.au
Subject: Press Release draft 6 - suggestions
Hey, someone posted the URL to the draft to /., and (like thousands of
other slashdot readers, I'm sure :) I immediately noticed some places
where the wording can be improved; remember that a lot of managers will
probably be basing decisions on this, and so it needs to be written as
professional as possible. The wording in this sounds more like a hacker
trying to be a professional tech writer. :) (Of course, I'm not any
better in that respect, but I've taken technical writing courses and tend
to be anal-retentive about certain kinds of wording...)
For starters, calling Linus "the leader of the Linux software development
team" makes him sound like some sort of cultist. Perhaps a better
expression would be "the main developer and coordinator of the Linux
kernel."
Mentioning that 2.2 is Y2K ready implies that older versions aren't.
Perhaps you should state "Like all versions of Linux, 2.2 continues the
tradition of Y2K readiness." The internationalization could also be put a
bit better; I seem to recall that 2.0.36 had the internationalization
support, and perhaps a better way to put it would be "Linux 2.2 also
continues to build on previous versions' internationalization."
The bit on Beowulf would probably read better as: "In addition, the
Extreme Linux project, also known as Beowulf (http://www.beowulf.org),
allows for many small Linux systems to be clustered together into a single
powerful supercomputer. Such supercomputers are in use at many national
laboratories including the NASA JPL and the Los Alamos National
Laboratory."
In addition to mentioning support for NT filesystems, it should also
mention support for NT sharing via Samba. (Many manager-types need to
have information spelled out completely for them, and they might get some
FUD from a MSCE who says "well, yes, of course it can read NTFS, but this
says nothing about it becoming network-accessable.")
Also: "Advanced technical users have performed extensive pre-release
testing on this update, thanks to the Open Source development model
facilitated by the widespread use of the Internet." You might also want
to spell "integrated" correctly, as well as "vendor."
Under background: "Linux is a secure, POSIX-compliant network operating
system, derived from and compatible with both BSD and System V. It is
written portably, and currently supports a wide array of hardware, such as
Intel x86 and compatibles, PowerPC (such as Apple PowerMac, including the
new G3s), Alpha, and UltraSPARC hardware, and is efficient enough to run
incredibly well on older low-end machines, including older 386s and 486s.
Linux is already in use in mainstream performance-demanding situations,
such as the effects house which rendered the breathtaking 3D-rendered
scenes from the blockbuster hit Titanic."
You should provide URLs for Gnome, KDE, etc. Also, instead of saying it
allows users to customize their GUI, you should say "and allow users to
completely customize their operating environment in any way imaginable."
Halloween Document should be in quotes, preferrably written as 'the
so-called "Halloween Document"'.
Linus's involvement should be stated as "He and others created Linux as an
open-source alternative to proprietary, closed operating systems after
becoming disillusioned with the poor quality of commercial offerings."
Emphasis is on open-source (it's an open system), that proprietary systems
are closed, and that it's commercial offerings (not alternatives - most
people would hardly consider Windows NT to be an 'alternative' at this
point).
I think the linux-howtos URL you're looking for is
http://www.linuxnow.com. I know they [are about to host] the howto
project in some form.
In terms of the distribution URLs, I would list them in this order:
Caldera
Red Hat Software
Debian
SuSE
Slackware (maybe - Slackware isn't exactly IS Professional oriented)
TurboLinux
UltraLinux
Linuxberg isn't exactly press; it goes in the same category as
freshmeat.net, except that Linuxberg's offerings are generally outdated
and, for the most part, misrated (IMO). I would list LinuxNow instead.
I hope you find some of these suggestions to be useful. :)
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